


The light of hidden flowers

by inthebeginningtherewasM



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Don't Say I Haven't Warned You, F/M, I am still bad at tagging, I promise, but I still thought I might give it a whirl, but also love, daemon AU, i don't even know what this is, kind of a character study I guess, yes I'm sure this has already been done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-15 01:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17519327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthebeginningtherewasM/pseuds/inthebeginningtherewasM
Summary: In the end it didn’t matter if it had been eight seconds or forty. He had died.They had died.Phil’s heart had stopped and Matilda had disappeared into a cloud of dust falling through the cracks of the floor on the helicarrier.Agents of Shield + Daemons. That's all I got to say.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, sweetpeas!  
> I'm telling you, sometimes my brain is just making this stuff up and I have no control. It kind of ran away from me, writing while I should have done so much other stuff. I know that there are probably a lot of Daemon AUs out there but I really wanted to give it a whirl. It's more loosely connected than anything else and doesn't really fit the timeline all the time but I kind of like how this turned out and I'm curious what you guys will think about it.

 

At the academy there had been no shortness of snide remarks and teasing smiles when Phil roamed the halls with Matilda. He guessed the manifestation of his Daemon _was_ funny if he thought about it. Kind of a cliché. Then again, other agents in training had a Daemon with a canine form too and Anderson from Forensics even had Labrador like himself. Okay, sure, Tilly was black which might have seemed much cooler to the other cadets but who cared about Anderson anyway. (The guy tended to lower the IQ of the whole room whenever he opened his mouth.) Furthermore Phil actually liked Matilda's creamy colour and her soulful brown eyes. He didn’t care at all that people were laughing at his obsession with Captain America and the coincidence that the Captain’s Daemon had been a Labrador too. He loved her and he was certain that he couldn’t have wished for a better companion.

 

+++

 

It was a stupid prejudice that people with snake Daemons were dangerous and difficult. Melinda didn't care about the shocked glances or the suspicious looks or the fact that people shied away from them at all. So her Daemon was a coral snake. So he was highly venomous. So what? She didn't hide Shang like others might have done, faced the nervous looks of other agents and contacts and civilians with a raised eyebrow and an unwavering stare. (Inside they both giggled at their antics, wondered how far they could push other people's buttons, made bets how long they would hold out, secretly relished the looks and frowns and frightened gasps.) Melinda let Shang curl himself around her neck, displayed like an expensive striped necklace, their heads held high while they strolled down the hallways of Operations.

 

+++

 

Sometimes Skye couldn't help but find it a cruel joke played at her by nature to be stuck with a Daemon called Foster.

Oh, she loved him dearly. He was the only one who truly knew about her loneliness, how she tried and tried so hard to be a child a foster family might want to keep. He was what kept her sane, who stayed with her through every move, through every temporary home. Who rubbed her ankles with his black-and-white head while she was hacking into Government secrets and who licked the tears off her cheeks when the world got too much for her to bear.

Still it seemed a nasty taunt to have a very piece of her soul to be a constant reminder of the fact that nobody wanted her.

 

+++

 

There was nothing special happening the day Hamish settled. It wasn't the day Jemma received her first microscope or the day she came home with a reportcard so glowing that her father swung her in the air, laughing and baked a chocolate cake for dinner. It wasn't the day her teacher told her parents that she would skip two classes because she was so smart or the day a bunch of girls and their Daemons cornered her after school because they thought of her as a smartass that needed a good kick to put her back in her place.

Jemma and Hamish were sitting at (and on) the kitchen table, the little tortoise making suggestions of what to put on the sandwiches she helped her father make. And then something just shifted. Like a puzzle piece falling into place. Jemma and Hamish smiled at each other, keeping this little, wonderful secret to themselves for at least a day or two.

 

+++

 

The fact that Andrew's Daemon was a reptile just like her own was another sign for Melinda that they would make a good match. She liked the little bearded dragon, Sally, who was exceptionally chatty and made funny remarks at every occasion. However she found that she didn't mind all the talking of the Daemon, which was what had surprised Melinda beyond everything else. Another good sign.

When their marriage fell apart after Bahrain, when the divorce had been finalized and Melinda hid behind the grey walls of her cubicle she found that she missed the rambling little Daemon more than her husband. And that was the biggest sign of all. 

 

+++

All his life Fitz had loved monkeys. Their intelligence, how they looked, how they moved. They were funny and interesting and incredible. It was only natural, he assumed, that he had wished that Elspeth would settle as a monkey. His Daemon seemed to sense his wish because she often assumed the form of different monkeys to make him laugh. Which was probably why he was more than a little bit disappointed when Elspeth settled into something totally different as he was running to his room, the voice of his father in his ears, tears on his cheeks.

But when he watched Elspeth now, all those years later, curled up into a ball next to Jemma who had her hand buried in his Maine Coon Daemon's fur, he felt that he didn't mind all that much. 

 

+++

 

After Bahrain Melinda's heart was in turmoil. Her _soul_ was in turmoil. And it was there, plainly for everybody to see whoever took one look at her Daemon. Easy to see how shattered, how broken she was inside.

Of course Melinda heard the whispers. She noticed the inquisitive looks, the widened eyes and the shocked gasps and knew about the rumors that got more outrageous every time they reached her ear. Because how could it be that The Cavalry's Daemon had not settled? How could it be that a Daemon was reverted back to his state of youth and innocence after all that she had done? Had it never settled at all? Would her Daemon resettle at some point? The truth was, nobody knew. But Melinda was fine with it. The others just had to deal with the fact that The Cavalry had an unsettled Daemon.

(Melinda hated the new nickname some rookie had come up with for her, no doubt. Shang wasn't too fond of it either and on occasion transformed into a impressive black stallion to drive the nosy onlookers away.)

 

+++

 

The shape of his Daemon made Grant Ward paranoid some days. Did people look at Fiona and knew that he was a double agent? That he was able to change his colours much like she did? He kept her in the breast pocket of his Shield issued jacket, hiding her from curious glances, just like he hid his true self from the people around him.

 

+++

 

Reina stroked the small tarsier that was perched on her shoulder while she talked to Phil about the possibilities of gaining his memories back. He studied it, trying to keep himself from actually listening to what he is saying. He knows that the looks of humans and their Daemons can be deceiving. He has seen the most vicious killers with the most beautiful Daemons and the kindest people with unassuming or mean looking Daemons. Reina's tarsier seems to suit her though. The small, furry creature with the big, innocent eyes...they seemed more hypnotic the longer Phil stared at it. Maybe that was the reason why he ultimately decided to lay back onto the gurney and put his head into the machine that should've shown him what he had forgotten.

 

+++

 

John Garrett was dying.

He did try to hide it. He tried to hide it as well as he could. Replaced the faulty organs in his body. Put in machinery. Showed authority and demanded more respect from is underlings than necessary. Made them think that nothing was wrong. He locked up Petunia in his office, in his desk drawer, hid her in his backpack. He told people that his Daemon had become wary of people over all the years of betrayal and combat and people believed him. (It was not an uncommon occurrence with Shield agents. All the blood and the killing made the Daemons of the older agents weary and nobody gave it a second thought.) Nobody knew that Petunia was shedding dust.

 

+++

 

Antoine "Tripp" Triplett had been surrounded by intimidating Daemons all his life. Whenever the old members of his grandfather's Howling commando (the ones that were still alive anyway) came over, the house was buzzing with wolves and tigers and dogs and bobcats and Tripp studied them from a distance. He knew he wanted to be an agent like his grandfather, he wanted to go on missions and make the world a safer place. But he also felt wary about having a Daemon as big and intimidating as his grandfather's friends. He guessed he was lucky that Fabiénne ultimately settled into the form of a capuchin monkey. His SO and the other members of his troupe didn't say anything. He did his work well, his Daemon was an asset and there was no reason for any sort of stupid remark. Even later, when Tripp was part of Coulson's team nobody seemed it worth commenting. (Fitz sometimes threw him and Fabiénne an odd look but he had trouble to figure out what Fitz was thinking or saying most of the time anyway. Maybe it had something to do with Simmons.) And Tripp was glad. He had made a place for himself and Fabiénne at Shield and he knew either way that his family was proud of him.

 

+++

 

When Grant Ward aimed his gun on her, Victoria Hand was in shock. There was nothing she could do, nothing she could think of, just the excruciating pain when the bullets hit her stomach and the knowledge that they had been betrayed. She bled out on the floor, twisted, broken, one hand pressed uselessly on her stomach, the other one desperately trying to reach for Timothy who fell off her shoulder when Ward had pulled the trigger on her. She turned her head, aching, aching, so much _pain_ , to look at the small frog. Her Daemon, usually a vibrant yellow colour, was grey and weak. He chirped at her, talked to her in her mind but she couldn't hear, couldn't understand, only looked at Timothy who shed dust just like her own blood was pooling on the floor.

 

+++

 

Hydra had always had a particular interest in Daemons. Grant understood the importance of the studies, the experiments of how far the bond between a human and his Daemon could be stretched before the pain got unbearable. The amount of damage one could do to a Daemon before its human would fall unconscious or suffer from irreparable brain damage.

Still he was never fond of inflicting those injuries himself, didn't break the taboo of hurting the Daemon to get information out of a person if he could help it. Garrett thought he was too soft but Grant knew, he knew that Fiona would never forgive him if he hurt another person's Daemon just for fun or for whatever gain other Hydra agents might see in it.

 

+++

 

In the end it didn’t matter if it had been eight seconds or forty. He had died. _They had died_. Phil’s heart had stopped and Matilda had disappeared into a cloud of dust falling through the cracks of the floor on the helicarrier. There was no talking around it.

When they came back Matilda's fur was no longer cream coloured but black, her eyes no longer soulful and brown but guarded and blue and her snout no longer the soft and round face of a Labrador but the pointy, watchful nose of a wolfhound.

Phil often spent hours watching his Daemon, taking in its new form, wondering, worrying. At the bottom line, Melinda told him one day on the Bus, it didn't matter. He had died. One didn't go through a trauma like that and came out the other end just the same. (He had seen her look at Shang who was perching as a falcon on top of Phil's bookcase when speaking those words, a quick glance while she made him look at the scar right over his heart and he wondered if she would ever be ready to let him in again and talk about what had happened to her.) Maybe he was different. Just a little. His Daemon was still a canine. In his core he was still the same. They were just...different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I don't even know what this is. It seems more like a character study? Somehow? Also heavy on the angst? (Okay, people, this shouldn't surprise you at this point.) But I promise I will write another chapter with all the shippiness, okay? All the Philinda feels. I promise.  
> I also admit that I could have put in much more characters like Hunter and Bobbi and Mac and a few more bad guys and even more stuff, I had so. many. ideas. I could have made that thing like twice as long. But somehow it didn't seem to fit at some point so I kind of stuck to the first season and first idea. (Please don't think too much about the timeline, okay?)  
> So, in the meantime...did you like it? What do you think about the Daemons? I also tried to put some fun bits and references in there, did you find them? :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sweetpeas!  
> The last two days I was madly inspired, I tell ya. So I have written this chapter and I'm oddly pleased with it. Didn't I promise you shippyness? Well, peeps, here we are. XD

The first time Phil touches Shang it's not a conscious choice but a reflex.

He has to drag Melinda out of the water of the bay, her whole body shivering with cold and anger while she is cursing his name. He knows she's mad but not really, and it's ridiculous how happy he is to be on this mission with her. His whole stomach flutters. Tingles, really. It's probably also ridiculous how much he likes her and how worried he is about her, about Shang who has curled himself tightly around himself and lies motionless on top of Melinda's head.

Phil's muscles are burning as he is lying on his stomach to pull her out of the harbor - Matilda behind him with her teeth in his jacket to keep him steady - and Melinda's grip around his hands is much too weak around his wrists for his liking. She almost slips through his grip twice, her boots are gone and her bare feet can't really get any hold on the harbor wall that's caked with course shell pieces and slick seaweed. It takes him several minutes to pull her over the edge, both panting, Melinda sitting next to him, her teeth shattering, her glare deadly. She shakes her head, water droplets flying and that's when Shang slips off her head. The Daemon and the woman let out a surprised yelp, Melinda is fumbling for him with shaking hands but her movements are slow, too shaky are her hands and Phil just...reacts. His right hand shoots forward as Shang tumbles into the bay again and he grabs the striped snake around the middle and hauls him back up. His palm is prickling where it makes contact with the Daemon's scaly body, like tiny little lightning strikes that race up his arm and settle as thunder in his chest.

Phil drops Shang into Melinda's lap almost immediately, sliding one or two feet away from her, his eyes wide, his blood cold. And hot. His brain is scrambled eggs because he just... _he just_...

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Melinda, I didn't even think...I'm sorry. I'm _sorry_ ", he stammers, sputters, pleads.

She doesn't look at him. Keeps her chin close to her chest, lets her wet hair fall over her face, strokes Shang with shivering fingers. She doesn't acknowledge Phil, doesn't speak, doesn't shout and scream or kick him or break his nose which would be, frankly, even less than he deserves.

Touching another person's Daemon is only reserved for the most intimate lovers. For family, for loving parents and their children. It's a sacrilege and an insult and a _personal_   _crime_ to touch another person's Daemon without permission and Phil has just overstepped this boundary because he had been thoughtless and a fool.

So he just sits there, staring at his partner and her Daemon, and doesn't know what to do. He is certain he just cost himself the most precious friendship he has ever had, because he is stupid, so stupid. Even if Melinda hadn't been able to catch Shang and he would have dropped back into the bay, Phil still could have grabbed a rope to let Shang curl around it and pull him out without touching him. Or he could have run and found a net. He should have known better. But no, he had to go and touch Melinda May's Daemon without permission. He is such a moron.

They are sitting there for several more precious minutes in dreadful silence when it's Matilda who steps up to Melinda and Shang and tentatively boops them with her nose.

"You are shivering", she says gently and Phil wants to kick himself, again, because he is too caught up in the horror of this actions that he didn't even think of that. "We should get back to the hotel before you two die of hypothermia."

 

It takes another hour until the silence is broken again, an hour Melinda spends using up all the hot water in the hotelroom and Phil spends pacing up and down the length of the room, his mind in turmoil, still in panic of what she would say. Would she leave and he would never see her again? Would she knock him out with that impressive right hook of hers? Would Shang curl himself around his neck and bury his fangs into his flesh for Phil to die of the coral snake's highly potent venom? (Matilda laughs at the latter from where she's lying in the corner of the room. Okay, maybe that last one is ridiculous but then again, he can also not completely rule it out.)

He swallows and fidgets when Melinda comes out of the bathroom, already dressed in her Shield uniform and Shang curled around her wrist. Her face is an emotionless mask and she studies him for a moment, silently, thoroughly, which makes beads of sweat appear on Phil's forehead. Time to get it over with.

"Listen, Melinda, Shang, I'm-"

Shang cuts him off with a faint hiss. He raises his head and Phil stares at him, intimidated, worried, ashamed.

"I am thankful for you saving me, Philip", the Daemon says in his deep, deep voice. (A voice that doesn't seem to fit the slim body of the snake but is somehow very fitting for all the calm and authority it seems to hold.)

"However I must request that you never do it again. Next time I'd rather you let me fall into the bay."

Phil inhales, blood is thundering in his ears. "Of course, I'm sorry. I should've never even..."

"We will not talk about this again, Philip", says the Daemon. "We will simply forget that it happened. Do not even think about it anymore."

And with that Shang uncurls himself from Melinda's wrist and lands on the floor with a thump before slowly slithering over to where Matilda is lying in a patch of sunlight and curls himself into her fur.

Phil looks after the snake, stunned, before he finally exhales and slowly turns his head to look at Melinda. She looks at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, I guess the mission is complete. Pack up, I can't wait to get out of here."

And just like that she brushes past him and he knows he is forgiven.

 

 +++

 

Although Shang told him to not even think about it anymore, Phil cannot help the thought of him touching the Daemon from time to time. They are more passing thoughts like when he almost steps on the Daemon of a fellow agent in the hallways of the Triskellion. (The ferret dashes out of the way at the last moment and Phil is utterly relieved he's wearing thick pants. He wouldn't want another May debacle.)

Or when Garett entrusts him Petunia in her metal case when they are jumping out of a plane. (He feels warm at his friend's display of trust but is glad that he can hold onto the metal case and doesn't have to touch Petunia herself. They are not friends like _that_.)

Or when he gets caught by some sinister agents of an even more sinister agency and tortured with electro shocks. (He tries to keep sane through the pain by comparing the feeling to the tingling that went through his arm when he held Shang. He holds on to that thought until May bursts through the door and rescues him.)

He thinks about it with a lump in this throat when Melinda comes up to him and tells him that she has eloped with Andrew and he cannot get the thought out of his head that Melinda and Andrew probably touch each other’s Daemons on a regularly basis. (He gets utterly drunk that night until Matilda almost forcibly pulls him out of that bar.)

Phil almost reaches out and pets Shang when he is flickering through appearances after Bahrain, utterly unsettled, because he feels so powerless, so terrified and he wants to give comfort so badly but Melinda pulls away from him, physically and mentally, and Shang might be the only option here. (He doesn't touch Shang in the end. But by God, he wants to.)

He even thinks about it when he is caressing Cecil, Audrey's cardinal Daemon, and wonders why the tingling feels different on his skin. (That should have been his biggest clue, really. Together with all the other clues that tell him that those feelings he has for Melinda are bigger and bolder and stronger as that of just a friend. He really is a moron.)

But still, he never talks about it with Melinda. He never ever brings it up, keeps his hands strictly to himself, never mentions it. Phil just keeps it in his mind, because for some reason he cannot forget.

 

 +++

 

The first time Melinda touches Matilda it's very much a conscious choice.

It's a grim _fuck it_ when she sees the Daemon lying on the floor, stories away from Phil himself who managed to get himself kidnapped, and then and there she grabs her under the ribcage, hoisting her up, while the building around them is crumbling, the floor shaking and the deafening roar of the cracking walls almost throwing her off balance.

Her eyes are prickling with tears as she presses the unconscious Wolfhound to her chest, feels how Shang changes from his hawk form into the so familiar form of a coral snake and curls himself around Matilda, whispering to her. Matilda's nuzzle is buried against Melinda's neck, her breathing faint but it's the absence of everything else that shocks Melinda, almost makes her double over. There is no tingling where Matilda's fur touches her cheek. There isn't the feeling of a thousand bees buzzing. Melinda doesn't feel like catching her breath like she knows she should. There isn't anything.

Melinda makes her way out of the building, her mind burning, her chest aching. Matilda is heavy, so heavy, but it's nothing compared to the fear that has taken ahold of Melinda's bones, that is so crushing they might not make it out of the building alive. Has Hydra finally made their threats real? Have they managed to untether a Daemon from its human? Managed to untie the sacred bond, seperate the most important part of the soul from the human to leave them as empty shells, without their own will, their own mind? What had they done to them?

"Hold on, hold on, hold on." She whispers it like a mantra, like she can will them to stay alive.

It seems to take forever until she stumbles out of the building, the range of their communications suddenly back at full swing, the terrified calls of Daisy and the others in her ears. She blinks into the sun, shakes her head against the soot and the dust, tucks Matilda closer. She runs over the asphalt, her breathing heavy, her muscles aching as she spots Mack around a corner, carrying an unconscious Phil over his shoulder. Her heart springs and beats and thumps, painfully, as she makes her way over to them, Daisy still screaming in her ear, Mack with a face so tight and serious it makes her blood run cold.

"They were much too far apart", she gasps as she catches up with him, both not slowing down, racing to get Phil to the quinjet, to get out of his hellhole.

She yells for Simmons as soon as her feet hit the ramp and tries to keep the panic out of her voice, to keep it level and serious and calm, so the young scientist doesn't get spooked, so that she keeps her mind focused on Phil who is so, so, so pale.

They put Phil on a gurney and Simmons starts fussing over him, hooking him up to machinery and taking blood samples and talking science gibberish to Hamish while Daisy is hovering in the doorway, Foster pressed against her legs, showing her obvious distress. Mack excuses himself, his Daemon Belinda hot on his heels as they leave, probably to get the bird in the air and back to the base. Fitz and Elspeth are on fetching duty, handing Simmons needles and IV-bags. If anybody is shocked that Melinda is carrying Phil's Daemon, its head pressed against Melinda's neck, nobody comments on it. She puts the Daemon as close to Phil as she can as if this can somehow make him whole again, winces at the sight of his bloody knuckles and the bruises on his face and the split lip. Shang turns himself into a pine marten and climbs her arm so he can drape himself over her shoulders but she barely registers it.

"They will be okay", he tells her in her mind. "They will come through. Simmons and Hamish know what they are doing."

It's funny somehow that while she herself doesn't do comfort, her Daemon seems to be rather good at it. At least at comforting her. Even though it doesn't work this time.

Simmons finally tries to shoo them all out of the medbay but Melinda remains stoic, refusing to leave until she knows what's going on.

"The injuries seem to be superficial, Simmons", she spits, "what is _wrong_ with them?"

The young scientist hunches her shoulders, while one of her hands pets her Daemon's wrinkly head.

"I don't know", she whispers. She sounds positively forlorn and small but it still takes Melinda a good portion of her willpower not to shout. Simmons seems to sense it.

"I did everything I could, I swear, Agent May", she whimpers, "At this point all we can do is wait and see. Keep them in close proximity."

Melinda presses her lips together. She looks at Simmons, looks at Phil, looks at Matilda before she nods.

"Then I'll wait."

She can see that Simmons wants to argue, probably tell her that she needs rest as well, eat something, sleep but the scientist ultimately just exchanges a look with Hamish and Melinda knows she has won. She pulls one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs to Phil's bedside and sits down, waiting. It's only after Simmons leaves the medbay that Melinda slowly reaches a hand out and places it on Matilda's head, taboo be damned. She has always honored the code, never touched a Daemon without permission. She has shied away from it almost her entire life. Even her husband's Daemon has only been caressed by her on the rarest occasions. Yet today she hadn't hesitated to scoop Phil's Daemon up into her arms. Today her hand is buried in Matilda's dark fur, hoping, begging for a feeling, for a shock. So she waits. When the bond is restored she will know. When they are okay, she will know.

 

Melinda has nodded off around two in the morning. She wakes up to the feeling of her arm basked in unnatural warmth, by a tingle in her fingers and her arm and her brain. Thousand tiny lightning strikes. A gasp leaves her mouth before she can catch it and she rips her hand out of Matilda's fur before anyone (Phil) can notice that she voluntarily (and without his permission) touched his Daemon.

 

 +++

 

It seems to be obvious to everybody but themselves. How they talk to each other. How they look at each other. The silent conversations, the inside jokes, the little gestures, the snarky remarks. How they go out of their way to keep the other safe. To keep the other happy.

You mean a lot to me, a lot, says Melinda.

Her name is Melinda May and she means everything to me, says Phil.

Just look at their Daemons, says Daisy with an epic eyeroll.

And it's true. Whoever takes one look at Phil and Melinda's Daemons can see that they share a special bond. Whoever sees their Daemons backs off from the initial idea to pursue one of them romantically.

The Daemons seem to be attached at the hip. Best friends, companions, if Daemons have such a thing. Matilda bares her teeth at anyone who might sneer at Shang for still being unsettled. She boops him with her nose, lets him leach her body heat, carries him on her back, is close to him physically in a way that Phil would never dare to be close to Melinda. She is furious when some lowlife agent tries to grab for Shang, reacts faster than Phil ever could (who, too, is furious), buries her claws in the vest of the enemy, her blue eyes blazing, her growl deep and threatening, her intentions clear, whispers of revenge and pain until Shang is back at her side.

Shang is drawn to Matilda, keeps an eye on her, keeps her close. He relishes in the fact that she doesn't seem to mind that he is unsettled, changes forms often just to make her laugh, tousles her fur when nobody is looking. He doesn't talk much but neither does she and too many words aren't necessary between them anyway. A blood curling scream escapes Shang when an enemy has the nerve, the _audacity_ to point his gun not at Phil himself but at _Matilda_ and Shang changes forms faster than the eye can see, uses every muscle the body of a gorilla can give him to pummel the bastard into oblivion. (Melinda silently berates him through their bond later, but Shang can tell she is pleased with his reaction time and that Phil is safe.)

It's not important, Melinda says.

We've been friends for so long, of course our Daemons are close, Phil says.

Our relationship is not like that, they say. (Phil says, because Melinda doesn't dignify the prying questions with any response.)

And Matilda and Shang look at each other, pained huffs and silent laughs. Because they share a bond with their human. Because they know better.

 

+++

 

The second time Melinda touches Matilda, it's because Phil asks her to. Begs her, really.

Their cover has been blown, their identities revealed and now they are running for their lives because there are just too many opponents even for Melinda to take them all out. Then they are held at gunpoint, panting and Melinda's mind is running and turning and looking for a way out while Phil tries to smooth talk them out of this situation, to give her more time. There is no way to go, not even into the bay behind her, the bay she has avoided to look at because it brings unpleasant memories of cold water and constricted muscles and something else, something she has buried deep inside her or cast out of her mind for Shang to hold on to.

And of course their captors are sadists. Of course they are Hydra. Of course they use the time to try a little experiment on them. Which is that one grabs for Phil and one for  Phil's Daemon and they keep them apart. They drag Phil away, away from Matilda, away from her and Melinda can see the anguish on Phil's face, the horror, the beads of sweat and how his hands twitch and struggle against his captor, can see him panting and his nose starting to bleed because the bond of his Daemon and him is stretched too much, too far and it splits his head open and rips him apart at the seam. She hears him cry out, and she struggles, wants to help, wants Shang to do something but also wants Shang safe, who went airborne and out of reach as soon as it was clear what the Hydra agents were intending to do. (She knows Shang is in panic too, mirroring her feelings through their bond and it's not helping, not helping at all.)

Phil collapses onto his knees, his eyes wide, gasping for air, blood on his face while the Hydra agents laugh and the one holding Matilda who has gone limb and unresponsive chucks her into the harbor.

Melinda cries out and Shang goes into a dive, trying to get to Phil's Daemon but they are pulling their guns at him and start shooting and it's a distraction she needs to take out the one who grabbed her but Phil is on the street now, gasping for air and the memory from a while ago, of him and Matilda, unresponsive, blinks up in her mind again with all that terror that came with it.

It's then when their backup is finally there, when Daisy comes and Mack, their Daemons hot on their heels, Daisy, who takes them out with her powers and Mack with a gun and Melinda unfreezes and beats the shit out of all the Hydra agents in her path. She doesn't run to Phil, she throws herself down, peaking over the edge and sees Matilda there in the water. A look over her shoulder sees Daisy helping Phil up, him leaning heavily on the young agent, still panting, still white as a sheet. They need to get closer. Fast. She looks for a sling, for a rope, for a net, for something to get the Daemon out of the water. But there isn't anything. (Which is stupid. In a harbor full of boats one would think that there would be entire coils of ropes laying around, right?) Shang turns into a dolphin, keeping Matilda's snout out of the water but is not able to lift her up.

"Melinda, get her. Get her out."

It's Phil's voice, faint and wobbly, and she turns to him, who is still so white, one arm still draped over Daisy's shoulder. She nods and jumps into the bay, not hesitating. Phil is standing on the edge of the harbor now and she can tell he wants to jump after her and that he is still in panic. But at least he is conscious, at least he is safe. There is just one problem still.

"Phil", she calls, paddling to stay afloat, one hand on Shang's back who has swum closer to her. "Phil, I cannot...not without..."

She trails off and he pants, hangs onto Daisy who looks horrified and worried and he shakes his head.

"Do it", he rasps, "Melinda, I trust you to get her out. _Please_."

The words hit her deep in her core and she hesitates only for another second before she swims over to a ladder that's mounted to the side of the pier. Shang follows after her, swimming, carrying Matilda and looks at her carefully.

Melinda grabs Phil's Daemon without any more hesitation and hoists her up. Immediately the bare skin that touches the wet fur feels like she has stuck her arm into a beehive. She gasps and almost drops Matilda at the sensation but manages to pull them over the edge onto the pier. She lets go of the Daemon, turns around to look for Shang in the water and expertly avoids Daisy's curious and shocked looks and Phil who looks so pale but ultimately better than a few minutes ago. She rubs her right hand over the wet fabric of her trousers as she reaches towards the water with her other hand to let Shang crawl on top of it. (He is a crab and walks sideways up the wall until he can jump into her hand.) Her right hand still tingles a little. She is afraid of what it means.

 

+++

 

The second time Phil touches Shang, doing so is actually the furthest from his mind. More or less.

They are sitting on the sofa in the common area of the base, him still feeling somewhat weak and out of breath, her with wet hair but fresh clothes. Simmons has told them to rest for the next few hours. Melinda had huffed and rolled her eyes, of course, but then she had shot him a look and settled next to him, shoving a blanket into his arms, settling one over her legs. Matilda is sitting at his feet with her head rested on his knees and Shang is laying curled up motionless on the back of the sofa. (Although Phil is sure that the Daemon knows everything that is going on in the room. He always does.)

Phil keeps sneaking looks at her from the other end of the sofa. He cannot _not_ look at her. The second she had wrapped her hands around Matilda, he had felt it. He had felt her touch in the entirety of his body, like every one of his nerve endings was set on fire, felt it in his brain and his very soul. He knows the sensation, of course. But he couldn't get it ouf of his head, out of his heart and maybe he is willfully deluding himself because the harder he thinks about it the surer he is that all the times somebody has touched Matilda before (and that had been some very rare occasions and therefore more memorable, obviously) it had never felt like this. (He is almost completely sure it's because he loves her. He's not denying it any longer, he has crossed that bridge a long time ago.) And he cannot, he _cannot_ just sit here. He cannot keep quiet and not say anything, because it eats him alive and he rather has closure at this point. And if she doesn't want him like that he will be content with being her friend. It will work. Somehow.

Still, it takes him another ten minutes to pry his lips apart.

"Do you remember the bay?", he whispers and looks at her, tentative, careful. He knows he's threading on thin ice here. 

He can see Melinda considering it for a moment. He is certain she considers raising an eyebrow and asking if he hit his head and forgot what had just happened two hours ago. But she doesn't. She just gives him a curt nod and looks at him with her beautiful dark eyes. She knows exactly what time at the bay he means. Phil feels more than sees that Shang is raising his little snake head next to them on the back of the sofa and he assumes there is a reason for him to be alert. Curious where this might go. If they have to flee the situation.

"It tingled", he says simply. Because he cannot think of a better way to describe this feeling in his stomach that had started just then, all those years ago.

Melinda looks at him. One look before she turns her head away.

"It was...nice", he offers.

The last word is nothing more than a breath. He is studying Melinda's face anxiously and he is sure he just blew it, freaked her out, weirded her out. Moron. Nice? That's not how one told Melinda May that he loved her. But there is no going back now, is there? He has to go on, boldly.

"Melinda, I...do you think...I mean, we've known each other for so long and...I would like to...I mean, you and I, we could..."

He is rambling. Rambling like an idiot, stumbling over his words and he can hear Matilda laughing through their bond. Shang's tongue slips out of his maw and Phil's eyes dart to him and that's when everything goes to hell, basically.

Melinda whips her head around, pins him to the cushions with a single look. There is something in her eyes he can't quite read before she narrows them at him and tells him in a voice so low and threatening it makes the hair on the back of his neck stand on end:

"Phil, you better not be asking what I think you are asking", she growls. "Because just because you touched Shang once back in the day and I touched Matilda today, doesn't mean you can just go and..."

He rears back like she just slapped him. What?

No. Nononononononooo!

"God, Melinda, no! I would never....I know that you were just...no. No! I would never ask that of you. I would rather let Shang poison me before I'd touch him without your permission ever again. Or ask you to give me permission."

He hides his face in his hands. God, what has he been thinking? Idiotidiotidiot! He feels the heat in his cheeks and the shock in his system and the fear and the embarrassment and the dread. There is no sound coming from Melinda but he can picture the look she must give him pretty well. He feels a rustling which has to be Melinda throwing off the blanket and starting to leave. She probably needs some space. Space away from him. The thought makes his throat constrict.

"I love you."

The words just fall out of his mouth before he can stop them.

Melinda seems to freeze and he can hear her turning and he runs his hand over his face before he dares to look at her. It doesn’t matter anymore anyway.

“I love you”, he repeats and somehow he feels relieved. He has carried this torch for so long that maybe it just feels good to say it out loud. Even if he hasn’t planned to say it. Like that.

Melinda only stares at him. Her eyes flicker to Shang, her fingers twitch.

“You love me.”

It sounds more like a question than a statement.

“I do.”

Phil hunches his shoulders, ready for the blow. Ready for anger and ridicule or to be “let down gently” or for her breaking his nose. But she just keeps staring. At him. At Shang who, as far as Phil is concerned, seems to give silent commentary through their bond. At Matilda who meets her stare with a steady gaze, trying on her own to convey that Phil’s words are genuine.

The silence is too loud. He has never fared well with her silent treatment. God, she doesn’t feel the same. He should have known. Moron. _Moron_.

“I’m sorry”, he says finally. He is so tired suddenly. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It won’t be a problem in the future. Forget I said anything. I’m an idiot.”

It’s his turn to get up from the sofa, to turn away. He wants to be so far away suddenly, licking his wounds. Maybe punch a wall or something over his own stupidity.

“So, one has to be an idiot to love me?”

And it’s also his turn to whip around, staring at her. She looks at him, her eyes hooded and there is something in her eyes he cannot quite read (again).

“Of…of course not”, he stammers, his eyes feeling too big in their sockets, his fingers shaking. Melinda nods.

“Good”, she says, leaning back against the cushions. “Since when?”

It’s Matilda who answers, letting out a harsh laugh. (Phil is somehow rendered speechless. It’s a first.)

“I’d say since the Academy days. Definitely since he caught Shang from dropping into the harbor that day.” She chuckles, shooting him a look. “Although I’m pretty sure we were pretty far gone by that already if I’m being honest here.”

Traitor.

Phil doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t comprehend what’s going on, what they are talking about, what Melinda is saying.

“I love you.”

That’s what she’s saying.

She gently pats the sofa next to her and he sits down automatically, stunned, shyly reaches out for her before dropping his hand. Melinda wouldn’t say something like this if she didn’t mean it, would she? His mind is whirling, thousands of thoughts, pictures, words all swirling, with the question if Melinda has just felt the same disbelief he is feeling right now, this swirl of joy and elation and happy terror that is running through his body - it's so distracting that he almost misses when Melinda takes his hand with a smirk. He gasps a little when he realizes that she is building a bridge between them, that Shang is winding himself down her arm and softly crosses over to him. There are a million needles where the Daemon’s scales are touching his skin, nerves on high alert, his heart beating a mile-a-minute, a _tingling_. He stares at Shang who makes his way up his arm to coil himself loosely around his neck, he stares at Melinda whose smirk has turned into a gentle smile and he feels so happy for a second he thinks he might burst.

Melinda turns her head, suddenly catching her lower lip between her teeth. She seems to contemplate something before she looks like she comes to a result.

“Would you mind if I?”

She gestures at Matilda, asks for permission when she just has given him confirmation of her love and offering him the touch of her Daemon so freely without any doubt herself. It’s almost embarrassing how fast Matilda launches herself at her, her paws pretty much nailing her to the sofa, the long pink tongue lolling, her nuzzle buried into her neck. It draws a chuckle out of Melinda and Phil is so happy, so happy he could beat Hydra in one go.

 

The moment is ruined by Daisy – of course it’s Daisy – who comes into the common area and stops short, suddenly yelling about PDA and impropriety and timing and how there are children present and tries to shield her badger Daemon’s eyes from the sight. It’s the only time Phil ever wants to launch her into outerspace, letting out an indignant huff but May simply grins diabolically at her before she grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him down to her. And suddenly Melinda’s lips are on his and his on hers and this must be what heaven tastes like and Daisy’s squealing is faint background noise while his whole body is tingling, not only from his contact with Shang and Melinda’s with Matilda but with love and happiness and the pure _joy_ of their existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not quite satisfied with the whole love confession thing. I'm not too good at it. I'm better with the angst. Anyway, anyone here ready to boost my ego? What do you think of this chapter? Comments are highly appreciated. xx


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